You might have the face and body of a goddess, the hair and makeup of a movie star, the fashionable attire of a runway model and the pure heart of a fairy tale princess . . . so why do men avoid you like the plague? It could be that your body language, facial expressions and demeanor are sending out a warning to stay away.
Never forget that a man’s number one concern in approaching a woman is his fear of rejection. Beauty is captivating from afar, but it is a woman’s approachability that makes a man feel safe.
You need to have a welcoming vibe if you want him to be willing to risk making an approach. Here’s dating advice for women, from a man’s point of view:
Dress, walk, act and think like a woman.
You go through an hour or more of preparation just to leave the house. You shower, do your hair, put on your makeup, pick out the perfect outfit to wear and obsess over the proper way to accessorize — not to mention you spent an hour and a half doing your nails last night. Then you primp in the mirror until everything is just right.
Make sure you don’t become a work of art that has no soul.
I know it’s a lot to ask, considering all you’ve already gone through, but now you have to be happy and pleasant. A woman’s “don’t bother me” vibes are unintentional, so you have to pay attention to everything.
Did you ever hear that the most important part of your makeup is your smile? It’s true. Men are attracted to happy women, so always be aware of the expression on your face.
A furrowed brow will make you look mean, sinister and brooding, and it will eventually make wrinkles and creases in your forehead. (That’s right…if you keep that expression on your face too long, it will never go away!)
Learn how to think and worry with your smile on. It adds to your beauty and keeps you in a pleasant mood, and it’s the number one factor in making you seem soft, feminine and approachable.
You wouldn’t walk up to a snarling dog and men won’t go near a woman who looks like she might bite either.
Feeling pretty will make you walk and feel like a woman and your smile is the key. You know those people who are always smiling? Be one.
Guys plan their approach to a girl for a long time, and if they see you in a scary mood, they will abort their mission.
You will seem moody and too unpredictable if you only appear to be happy once in a while. Your smile will show in your walk and attitude, and that whole feminine glow is what will make guys run to you.
Shrinking Violet Syndrome.
Men want to see some power and presence in a woman. Type Bs can be very appealing, but they still must look like they believe in their own value and know how to navigate through a social world.
If you’re on the shy side, here are a few things to consider if you want men to pay attention:
• Dress right.
Wear a flattering skirt with a hemline a few inches above the knee, and make sure you have at least a bit of a heel on your shoe.
Lose that cardigan sweater that hangs down and covers your waist. The shape of a woman is instinctually provocative and enticing to every man. Covering your figure is like wearing an invisibility cloak.
• Watch your posture.
A woman who does not claim some space in the world seems small and uninteresting to men. Don’t lean forward, hunch your shoulders and bring your elbows together, whether you are sitting, standing or walking.
The message of this near-fetal position is that you are uncomfortable, have low self-esteem and want to disappear. And your blip will disappear from his radar, too.
• Open your body language.
Body language tips: avoid folding your arms. Put one hand on your hip instead. Cross your ankles with your feet out in front of you rather than under your chair. Hold your shoulders back, your head up and your eyes on his eyes. Keep your elbows wide, you movements fluid, and don’t be afraid to get just a little too close, for brief moments, when you speak to a man you’re interested in.
Lean in when you talk. Use your hands and keep your gestures natural and well above your waist. You can even touch people when you talk, but make sure you do it decisively and with a bit of strength.
And watch out for those nervous habits. Don’t sway, tap your foot, look at the floor, rock on your heels or play with your hair like a school girl. You’re a big lady now.
On the other end of the spectrum from the wallflower is the strong and intense Type A woman. She probably does all the things right that the Shrinking Violet does wrong, but she may have too harsh an edge.
You want to be appealing and sexy, of course, but you don’t want to appear to be unattainable or out of his league. Soften your colors, wear your hair down and flowing and try a less-tailored look.
You may need to exude authority at the office, but you don’t have to be a man or a warrior princess. Too much hard glam can overpower and intimidate even the most macho man.
• Watch your demeanor.
There is a time to be all business, but that won’t get a man thinking about you. Slow down your speech. Add a little “breathiness” to your words, and please don’t forget to smile at the end of every sentence. Keep the eye contact gentle and not too intense.
Make your gestures softer, smoother and more feminine. If you sense that you are scaring him out of the conversation, ask him questions to bring him back in. And there’s nothing wrong with laughing and being girly.
• Join the world.
Outgoing, competent, strong and/or professional women can also get lost in their own zone sometimes, which sends a signal to men to keep their distance. You are a multi-tasker by nature, but you need to keep one eye open to the world around you.
If a man sees you alone at a table eating your lunch, this should be an opportunity for him to approach. But if you are so absorbed in the moment — chewing on a sandwich, glasses on your nose reading a report or magazine and smart phone in your right hand — he will see a clear “don’t bother me” sign.
He may watch and wait for you to come up for air, but there’s a good chance you never will. It shouldn’t be necessary to put an alert on your smart phone’s calendar that chimes in halfway through lunch with a message to lift up your head and look around. Just come out of your isolation bubble often — with a smile.
You go through a lot of trouble and effort to be appealing to the world and to men, so don’t blow it with unintentional signals that undo all of your hard work.
Tune into your subconscious and become aware of how you appear to others. It is, after all, the genuine sweetness and appeal of your inner self that will win the hearts and minds of the men who can’t resist your charm. Tame your gremlins and let your heart of gold shine through.
Nick Slade is a freelance writer with DatingAdvice.com. He writes on a variety of dating and relationship subjects, including how-to articles and do’s and don’ts for dating. DatingAdvice.com is a one-stop site with a collection of dating experts who dispense wisdom on “all things dating” daily.
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