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Show #62: Do You Push for Commitment Too Soon?!

Dating Advice - Commitment

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Show #62: My guest on the show is Sandra Fidelis at SandraFidelis.com.

In the past, Sandra recognized the role she played in picking the wrong relationships. She seemed to always pick men based solely on chemistry. She quickly realized that this was a very negative pattern for her, and she finally decided to stop playing the ‘blame game’ and decided to be proactive and learn about the dynamic between men and women.

Through her training with the top dating industry experts, and after years of personal study, she then became a Dating Coach. She now shares what she has learned to help women shift their views of themselves and yield life altering results in their love life.

Signs You’re Pushing for a Commitment Too Soon:

Every single woman has pushed for commitment too soon…so don’t worry, you’re not alone! I’ve done it and Sandra has done it too…so, no one is perfect.

But if you’re armed with the knowledge of what it makes you do it and what it does to the man you’re dating when you do it…you’ll be less likely to do it in the future.

According to Sandra, there was an actual study done on the reason why men end a relationship within the first 2 months of dating.  The reason may surprise you, but it’s because he’s feeling way too much pressure from the woman to commit to her!

Just remember, when you put an energetic choke hold on the man that you’re dating, it will make him feel trapped and make him want to disappear.

So, in order to help prevent you from making this same mistake with the next man you date, let’s first understand why you may be pushing for a commitment too soon:

1) Societal Pressure to Be in a Relationship

There is so much pressure on women to be in a relationship from our  friends, family and even strangers we meet along the way.  We’re made to feel from society, that if we’re not in a relationship with a man or married by a certain age, that we’re not complete or there must be something wrong with us. When in fact, there is nothing wrong with us!

2) Your Biological Clock Is Ticking Away!

Unfortunately, if you want children, there’s no denying that you have a biological clock and that at some point, it’s going to run out.  So, no wonder you feel so much pressure, who wouldn’t?!

If you really want to take off the pressure of your biological clock ticking away and you’re in your mid 30’s, then I highly recommend you look into freezing your eggs.  It will take a huge amount of pressure off of you, and you won’t feel like you’re hearing that ‘ticking’ sound when you’re dating a man.

So, now that you understand why you might be pushing for commitment too soon, let’s take a look at the ways you avoid making that big mistake with the next man you date.

How to Avoid Pushing for Commitment Too Soon:

1) Remain present in the moment

Remain present in the moment and open to other possibilities.   What this means is, you shouldn’t be dating just one man in the early stages of dating.  You should date several men, so you don’t feel the pressure to get that one man to commit to you. If you date a lot of men, it will also help you realize, who is the right man for you.

2) Make sure your have your own life

Focus on having great relationships with your girlfriends and family.  And make sure you have other hobbies and interests that keep you busy, so your focus isn’t just on the man you’re dating.

And if it’s not full, then pay attention to that while you’re dating and make an effort to get more serious about having a more fulfilling life, outside of the man.

Now, if you’re thinking that if you just met the right man, you’re life would be perfect…you’re dead wrong! You have to make yourself happy, no man can make you happy.

Just remember…. No man can’t complete you, he can only complement you!

And it’s important for you to know, men actually find a woman who has her own life sexy and more attractive.  He doesn’t want to feel like he’s your end all be all and that you don’t have anything else going on in your life.

3) Don’t think so far ahead

Again just remain present in the moment.  Don’t think so far ahead about the future and whether or not you could marry him or have his children.  Just enjoy what you have with him right now. Because I guarantee you, he’s present in the moment and just thinking about right now and not the future.

4) Establish Boundaries

If it’s a non-exclusive relationship, then you need to set some boundaries going into it.

Ask yourself.  What does that mean for you? Does that mean you’re not going to sleep with him until your relationship is exclusive? Or does that mean, you’re only going to see him once a week?

Don’t be afraid to communicate your boundaries to him.  Tell him exactly how you’re feeling in a nice way, and at the right time!  If you make him feel like he’s doing the wrong thing or that you’re not happy with him or the relationship, he’s going to disappear!

So, now you’re aware of how to prevent yourself from making that mistake again, of pushing for commitment too soon!

If you want to know the 65 best places on where to meet men, then check out my eBook: The Secrets on Where to Meet Men!

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by Suzanne Oshima

Suzanne K. Oshima is a Matchmaker, Dating Coach & Founder at Dream Bachelor & Bachelorette. She is also the Founder of Single in Stilettos, which gives women the best dating advice & tips to help them meet, attract & keep the one. Suzanne has been seen on Bravo TV, The Today Show, Good Afternoon America, Inside Edition, BBC Radio, Glamour Magazine, Men’s Health and much more!

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Cheese Louis

    Got it! Never push for commitment then! :333

Experts seen on:
Bravo TVOprahToday ShowGMAGlamourInside Edition